FAQs
DreTube (dretube.nl)
Frequently Asked Questions. “Frequently” is doing a lot of work here, because nobody has actually asked us any of these. We made them up. That’s how little traffic the contact form gets, and honestly, we’re fine with that.
What is DreTube?
A website where you watch videos and rate them. That’s the entire business model. We didn’t pivot, we didn’t “disrupt” anything, and we don’t have a podcast about it.
Is DreTube the same as YouTube?
Only in the way a bicycle is the same as a Ferrari because they both have wheels. YouTube has billions of videos, a team of thousands, and an algorithm. We have a guy named Andre and a server. Some videos here are embedded from YouTube, so if you got confused, that one is on you.
Who runs this place?
Andre. One person. No “team”, no “leadership”, no “synergy”. When something breaks, there is no escalation path. There is just Andre, and the realisation that Andre is also the one who broke it.
Why is there no login button?
Because you don’t need one. We don’t know who you are, we don’t want to know, and we’ve been told you wouldn’t remember the password anyway.
Can I get verified? Can I get a blue checkmark?
You can get a checkmark by ticking the box next to “I have read this and I am not a robot”. Oh wait, there is no such box. Moving on.
Can I become a DreTube partner or influencer?
You can’t even upload a video. Think about what that implies about your chances.
Is DreTube free?
Yes. Which means your complaints are also free, and priced accordingly.
How do I turn on notifications?
You can’t. Nothing here will ever buzz, ping, or nag you. If you want to be reminded to visit, put a sticky note on your monitor, like it’s 1997.
Where is the “Subscribe” button?
It doesn’t exist. You can’t subscribe to us. You can only come back voluntarily, like an adult with free will.
Why is the thumbs-down so popular on some videos?
Because the audience is a tough crowd, and that’s the best explanation we’ve got. If your favourite video has fewer thumbs-up than you think it deserves, the democratic process has spoken. Take it up with the people.
Do you read the thumbs-down votes personally?
Yes. Every single one. It’s the highlight of our day. Keep them coming.
Can I vote more than once on the same video?
No. We remember your vote with a cookie, and we remember your attempts to do it again too. We say nothing. We just judge.
Does DreTube track me?
We use a cookie to remember your votes and Google Analytics to count visitors, but only if you agreed to it on the cookie banner. Yes, the one you smashed the button on without looking. The boring details are in the [Privacy Policy]. If you don’t want to be counted, say no. We’ll cope. Our statistics already look like a flat line.
Where is my data stored?
On a server in Germany, with a company called Contabo. It’s got great engineering and bad weather. Your IP address is stored only in scrambled form, so even we can’t read it. We’d love to say that’s because we care deeply about privacy, but mostly we just can’t be bothered to read IP addresses.
Why do you need cookies? I only came here for the videos.
And we only came here to run a website. And yet, here we all are, suffering together. Read the cookie section of the [Privacy Policy], or just click “accept” and get on with your life.
Why did the video stop loading halfway through?
Possible causes, in order of likelihood:
- Your internet connection is bad.
- Your device is old.
- Your patience ran out.
- It’s us. (Unlikely. See answers 1, 2 and 3.)
Why are the videos so short / so long / so weird?
Because content is subjective, and some of it was clearly made at 3 a.m. We host videos, we don’t take responsibility for what’s in them. That’s what the thumbs-down button is for.
Can I download the videos?
No. Right-clicking on things won’t help, and neither will asking nicely. Just watch it here, like everybody else.
Can I embed your videos on my own website?
Please don’t. If you really, truly feel the need, ask us first through the contact form, and remember that “asking” does not mean “demanding in ALL CAPS”.
Why is there no dark mode?
There might be. Check your screen. If it’s too bright, close your curtains. If it’s too dark, open them. We do not accept blame for either.
Can I suggest a video?
Yes, through the contact form. Your suggestion will be considered with the same enthusiasm you show when reading terms and conditions. That is: briefly, and with a sigh.
Can I suggest a new feature?
You can. It will be received warmly and then promptly ignored. The site does exactly two things, and that’s the way we like it.
I found a bug!
Wow, you found a bug. Please use the contact form and tell us what you did, what happened, and what you expected to happen. Bonus points for a screenshot. Negative points for “it doesn’t work”.
What if my question isn’t on this list?
Then you’re either very creative or very lost. Check the [Help] page, and if you’re still stuck, use the contact form. We’ll reply when we reply.
Is this FAQ actually useful?
You tell us. You’ve read the whole thing, which means you’ve spent several minutes on a page about a website that does two things. Take a moment. Reflect.
Now go watch a video.
DreTube. Questions answered. Dignity not included.
A few notes
- Placeholders: Replace [Privacy Policy] and [Help] with links to your own pages, and make sure the contact form link points somewhere real.
- Consistency: The FAQ assumes the same setup as the other pages (cookie banner, Google Analytics, Contabo in Germany, hashed IPs). If any of that changes, update it here as well.
- Tone: If it’s too tame or too harsh for your audience, tell me which direction to go and I’ll adjust it.
- Embedding: The answer about embedding assumes you don’t want others embedding your videos. Change it if you do.